DIARY OF AN INDUBITABLE LOVER, episode One

Dear diary, as I sit here gaping at the sky, jaw in hand and in deep thought, I realized what time it really is. 2:38AM and sleep has eluded me. I’ve been denied rest for I cannot find any. My heart is troubled. Deeply troubled. I fear I have lost the one thing I value so much… Tosin’s love. How did we get here? How did all this happen? Why? For what purpose is this pain?

I met Tosin about three years ago through my friend, Benson. He had wanted dating her, but I had seen more in her. Tosin was no girlfriend, she was pure wife material. And she had everything I desired in a woman. Needless to say, she was and still is extremely beautiful. I had unconsciously fallen in love with this woman. Unknown had it been to me she secretly desired me too. Soon enough I did discover and we went headlong into this relationship clearly defining the fact we wanted to be together forever. Though Benson was a bit disappointed he didn’t hit his target, he had little or no qualms as he had other ladies at his beck and call. This was a relief to me as I valued our friendship.

Love, I believe is giving another the power to hurt you yet trusting them not to, even after they do. Sacrificial it is, and entirely selfless. Over time, I have come to love Tosin so much that I fear I might put myself on the verge of self-destruction. But that is not my greatest fear. Its almost three years since we began our relationship. And from our earlier premonitions, we ought to be married by now. In fact, I already see her as my wife. But things haven’t been smooth. Situations have not gone according to plan, and my financial situation has not been encouraging.

My Tosin is a beautiful, highly principled woman. Never greedy nor covetous. And unlike ladies of her generation, never after a man’s money. She preferred a man who had value for her and my dear, did I have that! I on the other hand am a funny, carefree, creative, (and I think) a hard working young man. But I have fears. Tosin is losing patience. I fear she’s losing hope too. This is not my greatest fear, my greatest fear is losing her. She’s by far the most valuable person ever to come into my life. I do not want to conquer this fear of mine, for it would leave me permanently damaged, unable to love truly anymore…